I'm depressed.......not for reasons you would think!

You ask why I am depressed?  Nothing related to the cancer but yet - this upcoming weekend is the last weekend of NFL football for 6 months - what am I going to do?  (GO RAVENS!)  I could watch baseball but it will only because of Uncle David and the KC Royals.  I am anxious for the draft in April and hopefully that will carry me until the training camps start in July.  I know it may seem ridiculous with all that's been going on but honestly, I look forward to the games.  I will still have all my Duck Dynasty reruns on and new episodes will start in March so that will help some.

As most of you know, yes all my hair is gone.  It actually doesn't bother me at all.  I think God blessed women with the ability to lose their hair because who in the hell would want to stand in the bathroom and fix their hair when they feel like they do.  I have enjoyed shorter showers and no shaving.  Granted, you have all the other crap that comes along with chemo but hey - its working.  I saw my doctor on Friday, labs were stable, seeing changes in the breast itself but not the skin.  Of course, only I would be a non-typical patient who would have stubborn skin.  She offered me a mammogram and ultrasound mid-way to see how things are progressing but what's the point.  It won't change my treatment whatsoever.  I don't want to go through it until I have to after what happened last time.

3 red devil treatments down, 1 more of her and then I get to switch drugs for 4 more cycles - that's the plan for now.  I'm excited to not have to have the red devil and her evil stepsister after my next treatment.  I think that will be my first mini-celebration for myself as the next set of drugs are supposed to be better for the nausea.  There are other side effects but if I can avoid nausea for awhile, I'll be happy.

I can't ask for a better husband - he is maintaining the house, our family, and our sanity.  He truly is the piece holding all of us together.  I think its harder on him than it is me because of everything he is doing for us.  The boys are being so sweet and loving.  Gregg, the boys, our family and friends - I can't thank all of you enough for the support you have shown me and us.  We don't know how to repay everyone - its almost impossible - we are just overwhelmed with support, love, and prayers.  We love you all so much!

GO RAVENS!

2 down......

I had my second chemo session on Friday.  Proud to say 2nd down, 6 yards for a first down.  I started with labs early, and moved onto my oncologist visit before I moved to the infusion center.  We had plenty of time in the exam room where we realized if all continues to go well, my last chemo session will be the day after my birthday - I couldn't ask for a better present simply because I plan to make 16 weeks of chemo only be 16 weeks and nothing more.  I have a strict timetable I want to adhere to so I can go on vacation, hunt, get back to TKD and attend more Falcons games next season. Priorities :)

While in there, they have models of breasts to look at and of course, only I would have it fall apart all over the counter.  Gregg just shook his head at me while I attempted to put it back together which I feel bad for the next patient to look at it, because it was not right whatsoever.  Gregg needless to say was not about to be caught touching it when my Doc walked in.  The Doc did give me some additional meds to help with nausea on top of iv fluids when I went back for my neulasta shot yesterday afternoon.

I was sore when they accessed my port due to being so fresh but it was much better receiving the Red Devil through the port than it was an iv in my arm.  My cousin, Chris, was with me and helped take my mind off the pain by talking about Disney.  She gave me a beautiful ring that I cherish dearly.  After she left, my mom and Gregg hung out with me while I finished up.

We watched and cheered for the Ravens last night - and honestly, I wanted Green Bay to win simply so I could see Clay Matthews play another game.  Today, I of course am rooting on my Falcons boys and I'm going to have to root for the Texans.  I would love to see Ravens vs Falcons for the Super Bowl.  You can definitely feel the Falcons energy at our house and in the Dome.  Lets pray for a win today.  

Thank you again for your love, support, and prayers!  We are blessed in so many ways right now and I am truly thankful to each and every one of you!!!!!!  I honestly do not know how we will ever repay everyone for all they are doing for us.  Thank you!!!!!!!

It's just a little biopsy - no biggie

So yesterday Gregg and I drove to Emory for my simple ultrasound guided core biopsy.  I have had these done before and they don't hurt.  You are a little sore but thats it.  I got car sick on the way down and I think this just set the mood for the rest of my day.  We got to Emory and I check in - put on my nice, warm, plush robe that is supposed to make you feel like you are at the spa.  UM NOT.  Last spa I went to didn't include needles in my tatas.  I wait for awhile to find out that the radiologist and tech are unsure what they should biopsy because its "complicated." I go through additional ultrasound pics and they make their decision.  I then go to another room to wait at which time my nausea and sweating kicks in.  A mammogram tech brings me wet, cold cloths to see if it will reside and it does.  I then lay down and prepare for the simple biopsy which is painless oh but wait for it....what decides to come back - oh yes the nausea and sweating.  Why can't you just leave me alone?  The radiologist asked me if I wanted to stop and of course I said no - I came this far, let's do this and be done.  We finish and they now decide I need 2 mammogram pictures to make sure the clip they put in is in the right place.  So, on we walk down to the mammogram room.  Fortunately, it was the same tech who helped me earlier.  I walk in and set my things down.  I start to sweat and feel very nauseaous again.  I tell the tech and she wants me to sit down but instead, I want to move forward so I can be done and get back to Gregg, my safe zone.  Next thing I know, my feet are up in the air, the nurse was saying my BP was 80/40 and I felt awful.  I could barely see anything - I kept asking for Gregg and my doctor.  They brought me Gregg, or who they thought was Gregg.  I was exposed completely and there was a man in his 70s saying this is not my wife!  (I gave him a show thats for sure.  Maybe I'll get a thank you card for a good time.)  Needless to say, they retrieved the right husband, made contact with my Doctor, and got me back to normal.  I can tell you, never expected any of this to happen on a simple biopsy trip to Emory.  I was told I needed to rest today and increase my fluids so that is how I am spending my day today.  I look forward to getting some sort of normalcy back into my life with family and work, but for now, its giving 70 year old men peepshows of freshly biopsied breasts.  Love to all of you!

And so it begins......

I have been slow to start the blog because I have not been sure where to start.  I could get on here and complain about how I feel but I don't know that will accomplish anything.  We all know cancer sucks and chemo sucks even more.  It is a New Year and praying for good things.  I have been blessed with an amazing husband and two boys, family, friends, and co-workers.

My husband's world has become full of being Mr. Mom 100% and I must say, I think he does a better job than I do.  I know he will be ready to give me my job back :)  I know what I am going through is not just hard on me, but all of those around me, mostly my husband and kids.  They are not used to seeing me sit, much less, not move to be the first one to control a situation.  Hell, I'm not used to it.  We all know how I like to be in control.

I am learning to let those around me help me which is beyond hard.  I will have rough days and I will have great days.  I plan to capitalize on those great days and make the best of them.  I still have a long road ahead as my battle has just begun.  I have a troop to help me get through this as I know I cannot stand alone in this fight.

I will have a right breast biopsy on Wednesday to rule out cancer in that breast due to some things they were concerned about on my original images.  I plan to get my port in on Tuesday.  This way the Red Devil and its sister drug (as my cousin has named one of the chemo drugs) can maybe go in a little smoother at our next date on the 11th.

Again, thank you to EVERYONE for the continuous support, love, and prayers, you are not only giving me, but my family.  We are eternally grateful as we continue this fight!  Love you all and Happy New Year!