I know I have not written in awhile but a lot has been going on in our lives. After my scans in September, I have been been actively traveling for work, spending numerous hours at the football fields, and well, working. The boys had a great season even though Logan had a broken elbow and toe but managed to get back to football and had a great finish to the season.
I have had scans of innumerable areas over the past months since my PET in September. Not many people know, but I had a groundglass nodule appear in my left lung on one scan and then doubled in size on my CT a month later. Right now, we are sitting and watching it bc it could very well be post radiation changes to my lung due to all the radiation I received.
In addition, Logan has had his fair share of studies for his annual survivor clinic appointment. His blood work came back fine but we found out he has low bone density. Not sure what to do yet as it was right before the holiday when we found out so I'm sure something will change or be monitored there. His weight is still an issue so we go back to GI in December and hoping they won't order the tube placement.
My Dad has been real sick and has been in and out of the hospital. He had surgery on November 18th for hernias that were causing bowel obstructions. The surgery was longer than originally anticipated but he went home in 4 days. Now, he is back in the hospital due to low sodium, low potassium and magnesium. As a result, he is dealing with very low blood pressure, kidney issues, INR quite elevated, and it goes on. He feels bad but I know he will be ok. He is a fighter and he wants to work.
I tell you all of that to simply update you, not to complain. Everyone knows I don't share often with all the details - more on a need to know basis. I get that from my stubborn mother. The last thing I want to do is complain about ANYTHING because we are here. God has given us another day. I have a very good friend who lost her grandfather and it was so sad. I have a colleague who lost his father this past week. It is such a hard time of year to lose loved ones.
I didn't do the postings of what I am thankful for because to be honest - pretty much everyone knows what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful to be here - for life - for loved ones - for family - for the strength God gives me every day to push through to the next - for being at this stage after chemo, surgery and radiation to where I can prepare for reconstruction - and so much more. But honestly, I cannot even begin to explain the thanks I have for the most incredible man in my life, my husband and best friend, Gregg. He has stood by me each and every day and always been there to support me NO MATTER WHAT. Granted, he didn't like my jokes but that's ok, he will hopefully laugh one day - I am pretty funny :) I just don't know what I did to deserve the amazing man I sleep next to each day because he is the reason I am here today. I couldn't have gotten through the past year without him and I love him more and more every day.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. Hug your loved ones. To my friends and family still battling cancer - stand strong, don't be scared, face that bitch in the face and say SUCK IT.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
I've been busy.....
So I know its been a while. Okay a good while. BUT, I have good reasons. Promise. Between healing, my Grandma not doing so well, boys starting school and football, its been crazy. Needless to say I finished radiation July 17th. Radiation was truly not that bad. I enjoyed my "therapists" - they always made me laugh and I always enjoyed smacking them for whatever reason I felt was appropriate. I always had a great music selection although some days they FORGOT and left creeper music on. I also decided that the beach scene behind me - truly needed to be moved b/c I never saw it except to walk in the room. The "serene" feeling was overpowered by this machine that screams "Come lay down - let me burn the HELL out of your skin." Anyways, I finished, very emotional day. I had 44 treatments all in all. If I had only known what was coming, I would have cried harder - ha ha! (Laugh Gregg - you know you want to!)
The past four weeks have been hard. Not going to lie. I won't complain long but the damage that was done to the skin was horrible. The infection, the breakdown, the raw skin, the opening and bleeding, yes, gross and painful. Never in my life have I experienced pain so bad. And what was so bad, it went from the middle of my chest around under my arm to my mid back. Slept in a recliner for 3 weeks. Ok, done complaining. I'm doing much better now and have returned to taking my boys to football practice.
Yes, Football. They are both playing football. I know I'm insane but when you have a boy like Logan who is obsessed - you can't really say no. Or I can't. I mean I could but I'm not going to because I love football just as much. The Falcons. Oh and I finally got my office decorated. Falcons theme - love it! Even have a Falcons mouse and keyboard - soooo cool!
I went for my oncology checkup last week. They said my skin definitely had a beating but hey if it does it's job, then who cares? I scheduled my PET for Sept 12th at 915am. I told my doc that I think I will be fine - how can anything live after the past 9 months? I also see my plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction Sept 5th. Pray for surgery this year. I have met deductibles/out of pockets - lets get it all done while its paid for :) While we were at the dr - I told Gregg he really should laugh at some of my jokes because they are funny. He proceeds to tell me that he feels as though the wind has been taken out of his sail because of what he has seen me go through. Does this man forget it's not just me that has been through this? Yeah, I got the poison, my nasty booby cut off and then a nice "tan" but all in all, he endured the worst of it - not me. I love him more than anything and God blessed me with an amazing husband. Oh and yeah - I cried because he was being sweet and then in walks my doc like WTH is going on? Ha ha!
I have a busy week with two meetings coming up but MOST importantly - my cousin, Chris, is marrying her soul mate and best friend on the 31st. I can't wait to see the two of them celebrate their love. She has a PET next week and I know she will be celebrating for more than just her marriage that day. Love you too much Chris!
Love you all and thank you as always for your support! You all are wonderful. I promise to write more especially after the next couple weeks! Thanks for putting up with my rambling! Much love!
The past four weeks have been hard. Not going to lie. I won't complain long but the damage that was done to the skin was horrible. The infection, the breakdown, the raw skin, the opening and bleeding, yes, gross and painful. Never in my life have I experienced pain so bad. And what was so bad, it went from the middle of my chest around under my arm to my mid back. Slept in a recliner for 3 weeks. Ok, done complaining. I'm doing much better now and have returned to taking my boys to football practice.
Yes, Football. They are both playing football. I know I'm insane but when you have a boy like Logan who is obsessed - you can't really say no. Or I can't. I mean I could but I'm not going to because I love football just as much. The Falcons. Oh and I finally got my office decorated. Falcons theme - love it! Even have a Falcons mouse and keyboard - soooo cool!
I went for my oncology checkup last week. They said my skin definitely had a beating but hey if it does it's job, then who cares? I scheduled my PET for Sept 12th at 915am. I told my doc that I think I will be fine - how can anything live after the past 9 months? I also see my plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction Sept 5th. Pray for surgery this year. I have met deductibles/out of pockets - lets get it all done while its paid for :) While we were at the dr - I told Gregg he really should laugh at some of my jokes because they are funny. He proceeds to tell me that he feels as though the wind has been taken out of his sail because of what he has seen me go through. Does this man forget it's not just me that has been through this? Yeah, I got the poison, my nasty booby cut off and then a nice "tan" but all in all, he endured the worst of it - not me. I love him more than anything and God blessed me with an amazing husband. Oh and yeah - I cried because he was being sweet and then in walks my doc like WTH is going on? Ha ha!
I have a busy week with two meetings coming up but MOST importantly - my cousin, Chris, is marrying her soul mate and best friend on the 31st. I can't wait to see the two of them celebrate their love. She has a PET next week and I know she will be celebrating for more than just her marriage that day. Love you too much Chris!
Love you all and thank you as always for your support! You all are wonderful. I promise to write more especially after the next couple weeks! Thanks for putting up with my rambling! Much love!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Almost to the finish line......
I have 6 treatments left. Six. Seis. ล est. Sita. SIX! This is after treatments twice a day, six hours apart (or when they run on time anyways ha ha). I started June 17th. By the time I finish, I will have had 44 treatments. They turned it "up" on me and needless to say, I am red. BUT, that's a good thing. I'm supposed to be red, have skin breakdown, blah blah blah. Its what will kill the cancer.
I have enjoyed my "friendship" I have made with my "radiation therapists at Camp Nukemboobies. Although not sure why they call them that, a therapist is supposed to make you feel good and better about yourself. Radiation therapists just make you burn and smile while doing it. The mornings go pretty quick b/c I am in and out. There are a variety of things that can happen during the day to cause them to get behind for my afternoon appointment. I have a routine. I usually play candy crush until I run out of lives. Then, I watch the Trayvon Martin case although today was deliberation and NOTHING was on the tv. No nothing. Like it wasn't even working. So, next thing you know, you talk to people. Its almost like you are in prison - How long ya here for?
Other patients always seem so amazed by my story. Not really sure why as I am another patient of Winship. Everyone in that room has cancer. No matter how old, young, thin, fat, bald, or hairy, we ALL have cancer. Mine does not make it any worse than the person next to me. I do feel for ones I have met. I met a mom with a 4 year old who has a brain tumor. I consoled her while she cried when I told her the story of Logan. I persuaded her son to be fitted for his "mask" so he could look like Spiderman and get special powers. I talked to a group of breast cancer patients who were complaining about how they felt. I simply asked, what's our alternative? I would much rather be alive and deal with this than be gone and not be here with my family and friends. For that reason, I have tried not to complain much because I don't feel like I have room to. Each and every person on this world has something they go through that whether it be cancer, or their dog is not healthy, it is a big deal to them and we need to be aware of how they may feel.
Today I witnessed 4 of my "friends" go on their radiation vacation as we call it. They rang that bell and I clapped as loud as I could. I was proud to witness their moment of happiness because I can honestly say, I know what it feels like to ring that bell. I rang it for chemo, and I'm going to ring the hell out of it for radiation.
I'm just grateful for every day God gives us. I am so thankful for everything and thankful God has gotten me to where I am today. Yes, I am fighting for my life. Yes, I won't know if my treatment worked until September at some point. BUT, I am still here. I am still here to kiss my husband and boys another day. And that my friends, is all that matters.
I have enjoyed my "friendship" I have made with my "radiation therapists at Camp Nukemboobies. Although not sure why they call them that, a therapist is supposed to make you feel good and better about yourself. Radiation therapists just make you burn and smile while doing it. The mornings go pretty quick b/c I am in and out. There are a variety of things that can happen during the day to cause them to get behind for my afternoon appointment. I have a routine. I usually play candy crush until I run out of lives. Then, I watch the Trayvon Martin case although today was deliberation and NOTHING was on the tv. No nothing. Like it wasn't even working. So, next thing you know, you talk to people. Its almost like you are in prison - How long ya here for?
Other patients always seem so amazed by my story. Not really sure why as I am another patient of Winship. Everyone in that room has cancer. No matter how old, young, thin, fat, bald, or hairy, we ALL have cancer. Mine does not make it any worse than the person next to me. I do feel for ones I have met. I met a mom with a 4 year old who has a brain tumor. I consoled her while she cried when I told her the story of Logan. I persuaded her son to be fitted for his "mask" so he could look like Spiderman and get special powers. I talked to a group of breast cancer patients who were complaining about how they felt. I simply asked, what's our alternative? I would much rather be alive and deal with this than be gone and not be here with my family and friends. For that reason, I have tried not to complain much because I don't feel like I have room to. Each and every person on this world has something they go through that whether it be cancer, or their dog is not healthy, it is a big deal to them and we need to be aware of how they may feel.
Today I witnessed 4 of my "friends" go on their radiation vacation as we call it. They rang that bell and I clapped as loud as I could. I was proud to witness their moment of happiness because I can honestly say, I know what it feels like to ring that bell. I rang it for chemo, and I'm going to ring the hell out of it for radiation.
I'm just grateful for every day God gives us. I am so thankful for everything and thankful God has gotten me to where I am today. Yes, I am fighting for my life. Yes, I won't know if my treatment worked until September at some point. BUT, I am still here. I am still here to kiss my husband and boys another day. And that my friends, is all that matters.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
The Extra Vitamin D Begins.....
Well, yesterday was my first day of radiation. Because of having to go twice a day, I get to go REAL early and then hang out for 6 hours until my next treatment. I am passing my time by working at my Dad's office which is good so I don't fall behind!
Let's backup for a second - Sunday night, Grayson had his first true meltdown about my cancer. He started crying and told me he didn't want to die. I told him I wasn't going to die - I'm too stubborn for one and two, they are stuck with me forever. Logan was a huge help to Grayson by helping him understand the radiation was the next step in this process to making Mommy all better. It was important for Grayson and Logan to both know I am going to be ok no matter what this next stage of treatment does because all in all - it's doing it's job to keep me here for them.
Day 1 - first visit/treatment - after I got changed, the "therapists" aka rad peeps showed me what they look at and it was a bunch of monitors along with screens of where video cameras point at me. I told them they were a bunch of creepers. Then......OMG soooo long to just lay in one position - it took 2 hours. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom! They added more markings, let the Doctor look, added more. My whole chest truly looks like my boys and nephew got ahold of some paint pens while I was asleep. Once they had me positioned just right, they began my treatment. I'm laying there, listening to their music and thinking, this isn't bad at all. This really isn't bad - well the music was but not the treatment. Then, they put a "bolus" on me so the radiation can be "closer" to my skin. As if, the twice a day for 5 weeks wasn't enough :) Then - they use these devices that attach to the radiation machine that look like the Looney Tunes character Marvin Martian uses to destroy the Earth. My chest is Earth - my goals have finally been reached (ha ha).
Second visit - this one was about an hour as they wanted to double check the work they had done earlier. Once again, not bad. I was just ready to get home. Long day and I knew I had to do it all over again....and again, and again.
Ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, I felt like I was in it today and its only Day 2! I was their first patient so the machine was nice and cool. I noticed yesterday by the end of the day, I felt like I was sitting under the sun it was so hot. My first treatment went fine, the guys told me everything was good for me to go and come back at 2:15 for my second treatment. I felt good until.....I walk out and see kids with cancer.
Dammit. You know it never gets easier. Every time I see it, it takes me back to the battles with Logan. I look at Logan and he is so active and strong but I get reminded of how weak he was at one time. I smiled at this one girl and she smiled back - she couldn't have been older than Logan. I just wanted to stand there and hug her and tell her she would be ok.
After pulling myself back together, I head to my Dad's office to work and got so much done. My Dad takes me to lunch which was nice just to talk me and him. Its been a long time since just us talked. When it was time to head back, I packed up and headed back to my other home. I got changed for my second treatment and I was quick to get positioned just right. We started quickly and as I started to pay attention to the music playing, it was the song "do you ever feel like, somebody's watching me"....I wanted to just bust out laughing but knew I would be reprimanded but how true with all the cameras on me! My grin was so obvious that even my rad peeps commented!
Well, after a long and tiresome day, its back to it again all over tomorrow. I felt like it was necessary to update everyone as I have been blessed with many people checking on me. Things are good, they will get better. Time and patience are very important in this battle and I am learning to accept both of those as much as I hate to. Thank you for your support, love and prayers for myself and my wonderful family. I love you all very much! Please also pray for those around me battling cancer as well! Until next time..... Next Stop, Emory Island - home of Radiation Beach :)
Let's backup for a second - Sunday night, Grayson had his first true meltdown about my cancer. He started crying and told me he didn't want to die. I told him I wasn't going to die - I'm too stubborn for one and two, they are stuck with me forever. Logan was a huge help to Grayson by helping him understand the radiation was the next step in this process to making Mommy all better. It was important for Grayson and Logan to both know I am going to be ok no matter what this next stage of treatment does because all in all - it's doing it's job to keep me here for them.
Day 1 - first visit/treatment - after I got changed, the "therapists" aka rad peeps showed me what they look at and it was a bunch of monitors along with screens of where video cameras point at me. I told them they were a bunch of creepers. Then......OMG soooo long to just lay in one position - it took 2 hours. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom! They added more markings, let the Doctor look, added more. My whole chest truly looks like my boys and nephew got ahold of some paint pens while I was asleep. Once they had me positioned just right, they began my treatment. I'm laying there, listening to their music and thinking, this isn't bad at all. This really isn't bad - well the music was but not the treatment. Then, they put a "bolus" on me so the radiation can be "closer" to my skin. As if, the twice a day for 5 weeks wasn't enough :) Then - they use these devices that attach to the radiation machine that look like the Looney Tunes character Marvin Martian uses to destroy the Earth. My chest is Earth - my goals have finally been reached (ha ha).
Second visit - this one was about an hour as they wanted to double check the work they had done earlier. Once again, not bad. I was just ready to get home. Long day and I knew I had to do it all over again....and again, and again.
Ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, I felt like I was in it today and its only Day 2! I was their first patient so the machine was nice and cool. I noticed yesterday by the end of the day, I felt like I was sitting under the sun it was so hot. My first treatment went fine, the guys told me everything was good for me to go and come back at 2:15 for my second treatment. I felt good until.....I walk out and see kids with cancer.
Dammit. You know it never gets easier. Every time I see it, it takes me back to the battles with Logan. I look at Logan and he is so active and strong but I get reminded of how weak he was at one time. I smiled at this one girl and she smiled back - she couldn't have been older than Logan. I just wanted to stand there and hug her and tell her she would be ok.
After pulling myself back together, I head to my Dad's office to work and got so much done. My Dad takes me to lunch which was nice just to talk me and him. Its been a long time since just us talked. When it was time to head back, I packed up and headed back to my other home. I got changed for my second treatment and I was quick to get positioned just right. We started quickly and as I started to pay attention to the music playing, it was the song "do you ever feel like, somebody's watching me"....I wanted to just bust out laughing but knew I would be reprimanded but how true with all the cameras on me! My grin was so obvious that even my rad peeps commented!
Well, after a long and tiresome day, its back to it again all over tomorrow. I felt like it was necessary to update everyone as I have been blessed with many people checking on me. Things are good, they will get better. Time and patience are very important in this battle and I am learning to accept both of those as much as I hate to. Thank you for your support, love and prayers for myself and my wonderful family. I love you all very much! Please also pray for those around me battling cancer as well! Until next time..... Next Stop, Emory Island - home of Radiation Beach :)
Friday, June 7, 2013
Life with the Unaboober
So I am currently 4 weeks post op - maybe 5, I've lost count. Does it matter? I can honestly say life is good. I feel strong and great. I am happy with my life and I am happy with where I am today. As I have said throughout this whole "ordeal", I could not be here without the help of all of you, especially Gregg who has bared the roughest of the rough.
These past few weeks have been good to say the least. I saw Logan's baseball team clinch their division (very stressful - a lot of yelling). My children finished the last day of school and was so very proud of them after the past 6 months they have had. I celebrated Mothers Day realizing it's not only a day where I appreciate the sweet boys who made me a Mommy, but those same sweet boys who have been so very important in my battle with this bitch known as cancer.
I made a playlist on my phone called Cancer is Stupid. It truly is. Why would some disease be created to cause such crap in people's lives? I don't know the answer nor do I care to know the answer. I don't have time to figure out the why or the patience. But....I do have some great songs on it..... Done by The Band Perry, Stronger by Mandisa, Island Song by Zac Brown, God Gave me You by Blake Shelton, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Try by P!nk, I won't give up by Jana Kramer and the list goes on and on. I love my music!!!!
I felt complete liberation the day I was "castrated" and lost my "2 balls" - for those who don't know, the drains were removed on May 17th and it was an absolute awesome feeling - well wait, not the removal part. That burned like HELL. After the 120 seconds of burning, I was like - WOW, I feel like a new person. I don't know why more men don't do it. Such a great feeling. Nothing hanging down and feeling heavy - what a pain in the A&&.....Thank GOD I am a woman. I would much rather have 2 breasts than 2 balls - well wait, 1 breast......(2 breasts to come later this year....)
I was able to get back to work on May 20th and I truly enjoyed being full time in the office again after surgery. It was great to see everyone I work with. I know Gregg was glad to have me back at work so he wouldn't have to continue to wait on me hand and foot - HA HA. I was also happy to get my Falcons pics hung and have more Falcons stuff coming. Once I was back at work and wearing work clothes, I realized how odd it was not to wear a bra - much less, to have to make sure the shirt I put on doesn't hang too low since there is nothing on the left side holding it up. You would be shocked as to how many shirts don't fit now. I was the v-neck queen - not now, they all fall down and because of that, if I'm not careful, you can see my incision/scar.
I was able to experience the first ever flying tortilla. I bet you all didn't know they have special magical powers and can fly. I witnessed it and it was truly amazing. Provides more laughter than one can imagine. Thank you Ms. Phillis for that and all the other laughs that evening and the ones following~
I go for markings on Monday the 10th. I will find out on this day when I actually get to start radiation. I do know its twice a day for 5 weeks, 5 days a week. WOW - yes that's a lot but you know what, WHEN it does its job, it won't really matter how many chemo/radiation treatments I had - all that matters is that I can live to tell about it. That is the ultimate goal. My sweet cousin, Chris, has offered me to hang out at her place being close as she will be there this summer planning her amazing wedding to an awesome guy and dealing with her own "C" situation. I am willing to try any wedding cake or wedding good you need sampled :) My Dad's office has also offered some space to work out of. The key will be to keep me from shopping at Lenox, IKEA or the Container Store :) A lot of money to be spent ha ha!
Some of you are probably still wondering - why does she say she's happy where she is today? It's easy - I'm alive. I could honestly be in a different situation but I'm not. I'm thankful to be here no matter the situation. I could be negative and complain about how it has been and how crappy I have felt some days but what does that solve? How does that help me get through this? It doesn't. I realize how important it is to appreciate those family and friends close to you - these are the people who will stand by you when life gives you a situation you aren't sure if you can handle. No matter what fight you have with your family - it's not worth it. Love and cherish your family and friends - they are who will be there.
On another note, NFL training camp starts in less than a month and preseason games start Aug 8th - for the Falcons that is. We are extremely excited in this house. I hope to be able to go to more games this year as I have learned the hard way - life is short, live it to the fullest, don't stress because it could always be worse. I love each and everyone of you! Again, thank you for your love and support in this fight! I can't wait to see all of you on the flip side with my new ta tas and abdomen and being able to truly sing the song, "DONE....".
These past few weeks have been good to say the least. I saw Logan's baseball team clinch their division (very stressful - a lot of yelling). My children finished the last day of school and was so very proud of them after the past 6 months they have had. I celebrated Mothers Day realizing it's not only a day where I appreciate the sweet boys who made me a Mommy, but those same sweet boys who have been so very important in my battle with this bitch known as cancer.
I made a playlist on my phone called Cancer is Stupid. It truly is. Why would some disease be created to cause such crap in people's lives? I don't know the answer nor do I care to know the answer. I don't have time to figure out the why or the patience. But....I do have some great songs on it..... Done by The Band Perry, Stronger by Mandisa, Island Song by Zac Brown, God Gave me You by Blake Shelton, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Try by P!nk, I won't give up by Jana Kramer and the list goes on and on. I love my music!!!!
I felt complete liberation the day I was "castrated" and lost my "2 balls" - for those who don't know, the drains were removed on May 17th and it was an absolute awesome feeling - well wait, not the removal part. That burned like HELL. After the 120 seconds of burning, I was like - WOW, I feel like a new person. I don't know why more men don't do it. Such a great feeling. Nothing hanging down and feeling heavy - what a pain in the A&&.....Thank GOD I am a woman. I would much rather have 2 breasts than 2 balls - well wait, 1 breast......(2 breasts to come later this year....)
I was able to get back to work on May 20th and I truly enjoyed being full time in the office again after surgery. It was great to see everyone I work with. I know Gregg was glad to have me back at work so he wouldn't have to continue to wait on me hand and foot - HA HA. I was also happy to get my Falcons pics hung and have more Falcons stuff coming. Once I was back at work and wearing work clothes, I realized how odd it was not to wear a bra - much less, to have to make sure the shirt I put on doesn't hang too low since there is nothing on the left side holding it up. You would be shocked as to how many shirts don't fit now. I was the v-neck queen - not now, they all fall down and because of that, if I'm not careful, you can see my incision/scar.
I was able to experience the first ever flying tortilla. I bet you all didn't know they have special magical powers and can fly. I witnessed it and it was truly amazing. Provides more laughter than one can imagine. Thank you Ms. Phillis for that and all the other laughs that evening and the ones following~
I go for markings on Monday the 10th. I will find out on this day when I actually get to start radiation. I do know its twice a day for 5 weeks, 5 days a week. WOW - yes that's a lot but you know what, WHEN it does its job, it won't really matter how many chemo/radiation treatments I had - all that matters is that I can live to tell about it. That is the ultimate goal. My sweet cousin, Chris, has offered me to hang out at her place being close as she will be there this summer planning her amazing wedding to an awesome guy and dealing with her own "C" situation. I am willing to try any wedding cake or wedding good you need sampled :) My Dad's office has also offered some space to work out of. The key will be to keep me from shopping at Lenox, IKEA or the Container Store :) A lot of money to be spent ha ha!
Some of you are probably still wondering - why does she say she's happy where she is today? It's easy - I'm alive. I could honestly be in a different situation but I'm not. I'm thankful to be here no matter the situation. I could be negative and complain about how it has been and how crappy I have felt some days but what does that solve? How does that help me get through this? It doesn't. I realize how important it is to appreciate those family and friends close to you - these are the people who will stand by you when life gives you a situation you aren't sure if you can handle. No matter what fight you have with your family - it's not worth it. Love and cherish your family and friends - they are who will be there.
On another note, NFL training camp starts in less than a month and preseason games start Aug 8th - for the Falcons that is. We are extremely excited in this house. I hope to be able to go to more games this year as I have learned the hard way - life is short, live it to the fullest, don't stress because it could always be worse. I love each and everyone of you! Again, thank you for your love and support in this fight! I can't wait to see all of you on the flip side with my new ta tas and abdomen and being able to truly sing the song, "DONE....".
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Rightie isn't as lonely as we thought she would be.....
Well I am 10 days of being the unaboober. I can honestly say I am not upset or depressed or distraught over this like my doctors and nurses warned me about. All my doctors and nurses kept telling me how emotional this procedure is, especially with no expander being put in. Nope - I don't miss Leftie and Rightie is kind of enjoying all the attention. Selfish bitch......
Gregg and I spent the night down at Emory the night before me because we had to be there so damn early on May 1. The boys were at Nana and Pops who were taking good care of them and managing Logan's nerves for us :) The next morning, I got a phone call at 5:15 from Jenny telling me good luck before I went in. I was very happy and it was so sweet as it was 4:15 her time but she called and that's what mattered. We got to the OR floor and I was taken right back. I, of course, expected to be nervous like most people are for surgery but this surgery, I was very calm. I was hooked up to the blood pressure and heart monitor machine and to everyone's surprise, it was surprisingly normal. Like way normal. I mean 110/70. Say what? Is this for the right patient? I hadn't even had Versed yet....wow, I really am ready. I felt happy. I wasn't just saying I wasn't nervous, I really wasn't nervous. I was blessed and had a lot of family there - Gregg, Mom, Dad, Evie, Paul, Will, Aunt Karen, Chris and Phillis. They were all there supporting me and all of their phones were blowing up waiting to see and hear how everything went. My brother kept updating my Facebook page to keep everyone posted as to the details of my surgery. It was a great help I think. When I was in the back, I remember asking the OR staff how come I didn't have sheets from the Ritz Carlton because the Emory sheets were not soft enough. I also instructed anesthesia to not tell me to count down - just put me to sleep already :)
After almost 4 hours of surgery, they finally had gotten what they thought were clear margins but really needed to wait for the final path. A lot of lymph nodes were taken and more skin/tissue was removed due to cancer still being present in my skin. I was able to go home the next day and begin the healing process. Gregg has been great taking care of me and honestly, having to do everything. I have had a hard time taking showers, opening medicine bottles, doors, etc. I am getting better now - either that or just tired of being dependent on others so making myself do it. I went to the doctor yesterday and received good news in that they were able to get clear margins. Only 1 lymph node out of 15 showed cancer. I unfortunately had to leave both drains in due to the amount of swelling and bruising I still have. They also looked at me like I was crazy when I asked about returning to work due to still needing to take it easy along with no driving allowed. They did tell me I could work from home but no going to the office. Seriously. I have behaved and have been at home this long. I could tell you what channel and what time all shows come on. The one awesome thing is that the Robertsons (from Duck Dynasty) were on all the morning shows this past week so that at least gave me a daily highlight.
The one downer to my news from the doctor was that my rad onc doctor emailed me Friday to tell me I have to go to radiation twice a day, five days a week for 5 weeks. 50 treatments. WOW. I will have had 2 weeks of radiation worth by the end of my first week. This is a result of the cancer still being present in my skin at the time of surgery. I will have such a large area of radiation and am unfortunately, not a candidate for targeted radiation. I go for my markings on June 10th and will start radiation 3-5 days after that. I, of course, immediately started figuring out my game plan about work and have found a few locations to work from between the treatments. I will have one in the morning and one in the afternoon, six hours later. With it being summer, the boys will be taken care of with Gregg not having class until nighttime.
The amazing news is Logan is up to 49 pounds. I told him when he hit 50, I am getting him a real phone. This is such a huge accomplishment for him. Grayson finished baseball and Logan's tournament is starting as his team finished the season undefeated. Gregg finished the spring semester and I am so proud of him for going to school during all this - it was a good distraction and I'm glad he listened to me ha ha! You know, I am always right. My cousin, Chris, is done with radiation and is in the process of planning her wedding to an amazing guy. We are happy to welcome him to our family! I can't wait for their wedding - it will be a beautiful day and she will be a beautiful bride!
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am so extremely blessed not just to be a Mother, but to have amazing Mothers in my life. God blessed me with my Mom who has been at almost every dr's appt and every chemo session and my Mother-in-law has made sure the boys have been taken care of during all of this. The boys made me great presents at school including a MOM card from Grayson and a list of reasons why My Mom is Special by Logan - he especially touched my heart where he says "My mom is good at many things. One thing she is best at is fighting breast cancer." I shed tears when I saw this, and he says, its true, you are so brave and strong Mom. I wish all of you a very Happy Mother's Day. If you don't have children, you are still a mother if you have any pets because those are your children as well. You deserve to be pampered too! Thank you for all your support, prayers, love, texts, phone calls, visits, cards, food, and flowers. Without those, we would not be getting through this. Thank you and have a great Mother's Day - be sure to thank those in your life and give loved ones extra hugs!!!!!
Gregg and I spent the night down at Emory the night before me because we had to be there so damn early on May 1. The boys were at Nana and Pops who were taking good care of them and managing Logan's nerves for us :) The next morning, I got a phone call at 5:15 from Jenny telling me good luck before I went in. I was very happy and it was so sweet as it was 4:15 her time but she called and that's what mattered. We got to the OR floor and I was taken right back. I, of course, expected to be nervous like most people are for surgery but this surgery, I was very calm. I was hooked up to the blood pressure and heart monitor machine and to everyone's surprise, it was surprisingly normal. Like way normal. I mean 110/70. Say what? Is this for the right patient? I hadn't even had Versed yet....wow, I really am ready. I felt happy. I wasn't just saying I wasn't nervous, I really wasn't nervous. I was blessed and had a lot of family there - Gregg, Mom, Dad, Evie, Paul, Will, Aunt Karen, Chris and Phillis. They were all there supporting me and all of their phones were blowing up waiting to see and hear how everything went. My brother kept updating my Facebook page to keep everyone posted as to the details of my surgery. It was a great help I think. When I was in the back, I remember asking the OR staff how come I didn't have sheets from the Ritz Carlton because the Emory sheets were not soft enough. I also instructed anesthesia to not tell me to count down - just put me to sleep already :)
After almost 4 hours of surgery, they finally had gotten what they thought were clear margins but really needed to wait for the final path. A lot of lymph nodes were taken and more skin/tissue was removed due to cancer still being present in my skin. I was able to go home the next day and begin the healing process. Gregg has been great taking care of me and honestly, having to do everything. I have had a hard time taking showers, opening medicine bottles, doors, etc. I am getting better now - either that or just tired of being dependent on others so making myself do it. I went to the doctor yesterday and received good news in that they were able to get clear margins. Only 1 lymph node out of 15 showed cancer. I unfortunately had to leave both drains in due to the amount of swelling and bruising I still have. They also looked at me like I was crazy when I asked about returning to work due to still needing to take it easy along with no driving allowed. They did tell me I could work from home but no going to the office. Seriously. I have behaved and have been at home this long. I could tell you what channel and what time all shows come on. The one awesome thing is that the Robertsons (from Duck Dynasty) were on all the morning shows this past week so that at least gave me a daily highlight.
The one downer to my news from the doctor was that my rad onc doctor emailed me Friday to tell me I have to go to radiation twice a day, five days a week for 5 weeks. 50 treatments. WOW. I will have had 2 weeks of radiation worth by the end of my first week. This is a result of the cancer still being present in my skin at the time of surgery. I will have such a large area of radiation and am unfortunately, not a candidate for targeted radiation. I go for my markings on June 10th and will start radiation 3-5 days after that. I, of course, immediately started figuring out my game plan about work and have found a few locations to work from between the treatments. I will have one in the morning and one in the afternoon, six hours later. With it being summer, the boys will be taken care of with Gregg not having class until nighttime.
The amazing news is Logan is up to 49 pounds. I told him when he hit 50, I am getting him a real phone. This is such a huge accomplishment for him. Grayson finished baseball and Logan's tournament is starting as his team finished the season undefeated. Gregg finished the spring semester and I am so proud of him for going to school during all this - it was a good distraction and I'm glad he listened to me ha ha! You know, I am always right. My cousin, Chris, is done with radiation and is in the process of planning her wedding to an amazing guy. We are happy to welcome him to our family! I can't wait for their wedding - it will be a beautiful day and she will be a beautiful bride!
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am so extremely blessed not just to be a Mother, but to have amazing Mothers in my life. God blessed me with my Mom who has been at almost every dr's appt and every chemo session and my Mother-in-law has made sure the boys have been taken care of during all of this. The boys made me great presents at school including a MOM card from Grayson and a list of reasons why My Mom is Special by Logan - he especially touched my heart where he says "My mom is good at many things. One thing she is best at is fighting breast cancer." I shed tears when I saw this, and he says, its true, you are so brave and strong Mom. I wish all of you a very Happy Mother's Day. If you don't have children, you are still a mother if you have any pets because those are your children as well. You deserve to be pampered too! Thank you for all your support, prayers, love, texts, phone calls, visits, cards, food, and flowers. Without those, we would not be getting through this. Thank you and have a great Mother's Day - be sure to thank those in your life and give loved ones extra hugs!!!!!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I know, I know - its been A WHILE.........
I apologize upfront for not writing - its been awhile and I am sorry. I have good reasons as I have been busy living my life to the fullest since my last chemo. Yes, you heard me LAST. I had my last treatment on April 5th - the day after my birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! All I can say is - it went out with a bang - literally. It caused me to be so sick I spent 3 days in infusion getting fluids and potassium. I was so glad to be done with it that it wanted its final way with me. Thus, the reason I 100% dedicate the song, DONE by The Band Perry to my bitch of a friend, Chemo.
I was able to see my surgeon, Dr. Styblo, and plastic surgeon, Dr. Losken. After meeting these two doctors, my head was in a whirlwind due to all of the information they provided me. Expander or no expander; 1 breast now, 2 breasts later; TRAM flap or no tram flap. I kept saying why is the choice up to me - why can't someone make the choice for me....well, my prayer was answered and my radiation oncologist, Dr. Torres, did just that. After meeting with her, she decided it was best for my treatment and overall health to have no expander and only do 1 breast at this time. We are still removing both, just not at this time. See - the problem is, the cancer is in my lymphatics so as a result she has to heavily treat me with radiation. She expects skin burn and skin breakdown. If it doesn't happen, radiation gets turned up. I am at a VERY high risk for getting an infection so she decided NO expander. After she and Dr. Styblo spoke, it was 1 breast now. Of course, those who know me, know how PISSED I was. And when I'm mad, I cry. So yes, I cried. I'm not afraid to admit it. I was so mad - as Gregg says, I just didn't get my way :) And, yes, he's right. I had a plan and again, we changed it. But, I know they are doing the best thing for me medically and I came to accept that very quickly. (God grant me the serenity to accept those things I CANNOT change...) I go for pre-op today and surgery is TOMORROW. LEFTIE goes BUH BYE tomorrow.
After seeing my doctors, they did tell us we could go to Disney for a few days so we packed up and headed to Disney. I think I was more excited to see Mickey than the boys were. Gregg of course was so happy to be at his favorite place - NOT! All he saw was $ going down the drain but I know deep down, he was happy to see his family happy and not give a damn about anything else. It was a great trip and it was so nice to get away and not think about anything related to everything going on around us. We created some good memories and although tired at the end, it was so needed.
On a side note, this past Thursday night, I tried to walk on water and I proved to not be Holy as I fell right down on my knee and ended up having to seek services at AOC again :) Ended me up in a knee immobilizer and crutches - some people not naming any names (Joe) thought I needed a wheelchair but I will go with crutches thank you. It is feeling better but for some reason, it doesn't want to bend too well without pain. I will be fine, I have to get Leftie cut off first.
Logan's baseball team is undefeated for the season, 11-0. We had a great season and wait for what the tournament holds in 2 weeks. He got the game ball last night and I was one proud mama. He had an amazing game, caught a pop at 1st, made a killer play for a guy running home, and slid under the 3rd baseman who tried to tag him out and was safe. I kept saying I wanted to run out there and kiss him but knew I would do nothing but embarrass him. Grayson is really enjoying Tackle Baseball at this point, he only has 3 more games and then no tournament. We signed them both up for football and Logan is already drawing up plays for his future coach. Grayson on the other hand doesn't understand why he can't be Logan's offensive lineman to protect him on the field.
Oh - that brings me to another point - Logan and I drove Gregg and Grayson crazy with the draft. Logan and I would fight over the NFL Draft tracker on my phone as Gregg wouldn't let us turn it on at the house. I am excited about the Falcons new picks and think they picked well. I would have liked to see more Alabama representation but its ok. Quite upset over where Jarvis Jones went but at least it wasn't the Saints (sorry Saints fans). We bid farewell to the Robertsons in their season finale which was quite funny I might add. It was so funny - Si with the Mayan obsession and then Jase taking his own jungle adventure. Willie in the sarong - ha ha - reminds me of Uncle CR in my pink life jacket when we had the pontoon! I will have to watch all the DD reruns during my surgery recovery.
I get overwhelmed with all the love and support our family and friends have given us. My Florida family held a party in honor of me and shipped me an awesome box of PINK presents. I loved everything from my I love Boobies bracelet that I wear proudly to my socks, PJs, bath and body goodies and my flask that proudly states, I didn't text you, Vodka texted you..... My work and the boys' school has provided us with endless amounts of food and an insurmountable amount of love and support towards our boys for their good and bad days through all of this. Our family and friends who have been there no matter what and done whatever and whenever we needed. I was most recently touched deeply by the prayer service held at work yesterday. I of course cried again because I was overwhelmed with the love and support by those who I work with. We truly are a family at AOC and I can't thank everyone there enough. We have a huge army behind us in this fight and I couldn't be more blessed. I hope I don't let this much time lapse before next time we talk, until then, much love to all and thank you again for everything.
I was able to see my surgeon, Dr. Styblo, and plastic surgeon, Dr. Losken. After meeting these two doctors, my head was in a whirlwind due to all of the information they provided me. Expander or no expander; 1 breast now, 2 breasts later; TRAM flap or no tram flap. I kept saying why is the choice up to me - why can't someone make the choice for me....well, my prayer was answered and my radiation oncologist, Dr. Torres, did just that. After meeting with her, she decided it was best for my treatment and overall health to have no expander and only do 1 breast at this time. We are still removing both, just not at this time. See - the problem is, the cancer is in my lymphatics so as a result she has to heavily treat me with radiation. She expects skin burn and skin breakdown. If it doesn't happen, radiation gets turned up. I am at a VERY high risk for getting an infection so she decided NO expander. After she and Dr. Styblo spoke, it was 1 breast now. Of course, those who know me, know how PISSED I was. And when I'm mad, I cry. So yes, I cried. I'm not afraid to admit it. I was so mad - as Gregg says, I just didn't get my way :) And, yes, he's right. I had a plan and again, we changed it. But, I know they are doing the best thing for me medically and I came to accept that very quickly. (God grant me the serenity to accept those things I CANNOT change...) I go for pre-op today and surgery is TOMORROW. LEFTIE goes BUH BYE tomorrow.
After seeing my doctors, they did tell us we could go to Disney for a few days so we packed up and headed to Disney. I think I was more excited to see Mickey than the boys were. Gregg of course was so happy to be at his favorite place - NOT! All he saw was $ going down the drain but I know deep down, he was happy to see his family happy and not give a damn about anything else. It was a great trip and it was so nice to get away and not think about anything related to everything going on around us. We created some good memories and although tired at the end, it was so needed.
On a side note, this past Thursday night, I tried to walk on water and I proved to not be Holy as I fell right down on my knee and ended up having to seek services at AOC again :) Ended me up in a knee immobilizer and crutches - some people not naming any names (Joe) thought I needed a wheelchair but I will go with crutches thank you. It is feeling better but for some reason, it doesn't want to bend too well without pain. I will be fine, I have to get Leftie cut off first.
Logan's baseball team is undefeated for the season, 11-0. We had a great season and wait for what the tournament holds in 2 weeks. He got the game ball last night and I was one proud mama. He had an amazing game, caught a pop at 1st, made a killer play for a guy running home, and slid under the 3rd baseman who tried to tag him out and was safe. I kept saying I wanted to run out there and kiss him but knew I would do nothing but embarrass him. Grayson is really enjoying Tackle Baseball at this point, he only has 3 more games and then no tournament. We signed them both up for football and Logan is already drawing up plays for his future coach. Grayson on the other hand doesn't understand why he can't be Logan's offensive lineman to protect him on the field.
Oh - that brings me to another point - Logan and I drove Gregg and Grayson crazy with the draft. Logan and I would fight over the NFL Draft tracker on my phone as Gregg wouldn't let us turn it on at the house. I am excited about the Falcons new picks and think they picked well. I would have liked to see more Alabama representation but its ok. Quite upset over where Jarvis Jones went but at least it wasn't the Saints (sorry Saints fans). We bid farewell to the Robertsons in their season finale which was quite funny I might add. It was so funny - Si with the Mayan obsession and then Jase taking his own jungle adventure. Willie in the sarong - ha ha - reminds me of Uncle CR in my pink life jacket when we had the pontoon! I will have to watch all the DD reruns during my surgery recovery.
I get overwhelmed with all the love and support our family and friends have given us. My Florida family held a party in honor of me and shipped me an awesome box of PINK presents. I loved everything from my I love Boobies bracelet that I wear proudly to my socks, PJs, bath and body goodies and my flask that proudly states, I didn't text you, Vodka texted you..... My work and the boys' school has provided us with endless amounts of food and an insurmountable amount of love and support towards our boys for their good and bad days through all of this. Our family and friends who have been there no matter what and done whatever and whenever we needed. I was most recently touched deeply by the prayer service held at work yesterday. I of course cried again because I was overwhelmed with the love and support by those who I work with. We truly are a family at AOC and I can't thank everyone there enough. We have a huge army behind us in this fight and I couldn't be more blessed. I hope I don't let this much time lapse before next time we talk, until then, much love to all and thank you again for everything.
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