Well, yesterday was my first day of radiation. Because of having to go twice a day, I get to go REAL early and then hang out for 6 hours until my next treatment. I am passing my time by working at my Dad's office which is good so I don't fall behind!
Let's backup for a second - Sunday night, Grayson had his first true meltdown about my cancer. He started crying and told me he didn't want to die. I told him I wasn't going to die - I'm too stubborn for one and two, they are stuck with me forever. Logan was a huge help to Grayson by helping him understand the radiation was the next step in this process to making Mommy all better. It was important for Grayson and Logan to both know I am going to be ok no matter what this next stage of treatment does because all in all - it's doing it's job to keep me here for them.
Day 1 - first visit/treatment - after I got changed, the "therapists" aka rad peeps showed me what they look at and it was a bunch of monitors along with screens of where video cameras point at me. I told them they were a bunch of creepers. Then......OMG soooo long to just lay in one position - it took 2 hours. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom! They added more markings, let the Doctor look, added more. My whole chest truly looks like my boys and nephew got ahold of some paint pens while I was asleep. Once they had me positioned just right, they began my treatment. I'm laying there, listening to their music and thinking, this isn't bad at all. This really isn't bad - well the music was but not the treatment. Then, they put a "bolus" on me so the radiation can be "closer" to my skin. As if, the twice a day for 5 weeks wasn't enough :) Then - they use these devices that attach to the radiation machine that look like the Looney Tunes character Marvin Martian uses to destroy the Earth. My chest is Earth - my goals have finally been reached (ha ha).
Second visit - this one was about an hour as they wanted to double check the work they had done earlier. Once again, not bad. I was just ready to get home. Long day and I knew I had to do it all over again....and again, and again.
Ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, I felt like I was in it today and its only Day 2! I was their first patient so the machine was nice and cool. I noticed yesterday by the end of the day, I felt like I was sitting under the sun it was so hot. My first treatment went fine, the guys told me everything was good for me to go and come back at 2:15 for my second treatment. I felt good until.....I walk out and see kids with cancer.
Dammit. You know it never gets easier. Every time I see it, it takes me back to the battles with Logan. I look at Logan and he is so active and strong but I get reminded of how weak he was at one time. I smiled at this one girl and she smiled back - she couldn't have been older than Logan. I just wanted to stand there and hug her and tell her she would be ok.
After pulling myself back together, I head to my Dad's office to work and got so much done. My Dad takes me to lunch which was nice just to talk me and him. Its been a long time since just us talked. When it was time to head back, I packed up and headed back to my other home. I got changed for my second treatment and I was quick to get positioned just right. We started quickly and as I started to pay attention to the music playing, it was the song "do you ever feel like, somebody's watching me"....I wanted to just bust out laughing but knew I would be reprimanded but how true with all the cameras on me! My grin was so obvious that even my rad peeps commented!
Well, after a long and tiresome day, its back to it again all over tomorrow. I felt like it was necessary to update everyone as I have been blessed with many people checking on me. Things are good, they will get better. Time and patience are very important in this battle and I am learning to accept both of those as much as I hate to. Thank you for your support, love and prayers for myself and my wonderful family. I love you all very much! Please also pray for those around me battling cancer as well! Until next time..... Next Stop, Emory Island - home of Radiation Beach :)
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Life with the Unaboober
So I am currently 4 weeks post op - maybe 5, I've lost count. Does it matter? I can honestly say life is good. I feel strong and great. I am happy with my life and I am happy with where I am today. As I have said throughout this whole "ordeal", I could not be here without the help of all of you, especially Gregg who has bared the roughest of the rough.
These past few weeks have been good to say the least. I saw Logan's baseball team clinch their division (very stressful - a lot of yelling). My children finished the last day of school and was so very proud of them after the past 6 months they have had. I celebrated Mothers Day realizing it's not only a day where I appreciate the sweet boys who made me a Mommy, but those same sweet boys who have been so very important in my battle with this bitch known as cancer.
I made a playlist on my phone called Cancer is Stupid. It truly is. Why would some disease be created to cause such crap in people's lives? I don't know the answer nor do I care to know the answer. I don't have time to figure out the why or the patience. But....I do have some great songs on it..... Done by The Band Perry, Stronger by Mandisa, Island Song by Zac Brown, God Gave me You by Blake Shelton, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Try by P!nk, I won't give up by Jana Kramer and the list goes on and on. I love my music!!!!
I felt complete liberation the day I was "castrated" and lost my "2 balls" - for those who don't know, the drains were removed on May 17th and it was an absolute awesome feeling - well wait, not the removal part. That burned like HELL. After the 120 seconds of burning, I was like - WOW, I feel like a new person. I don't know why more men don't do it. Such a great feeling. Nothing hanging down and feeling heavy - what a pain in the A&&.....Thank GOD I am a woman. I would much rather have 2 breasts than 2 balls - well wait, 1 breast......(2 breasts to come later this year....)
I was able to get back to work on May 20th and I truly enjoyed being full time in the office again after surgery. It was great to see everyone I work with. I know Gregg was glad to have me back at work so he wouldn't have to continue to wait on me hand and foot - HA HA. I was also happy to get my Falcons pics hung and have more Falcons stuff coming. Once I was back at work and wearing work clothes, I realized how odd it was not to wear a bra - much less, to have to make sure the shirt I put on doesn't hang too low since there is nothing on the left side holding it up. You would be shocked as to how many shirts don't fit now. I was the v-neck queen - not now, they all fall down and because of that, if I'm not careful, you can see my incision/scar.
I was able to experience the first ever flying tortilla. I bet you all didn't know they have special magical powers and can fly. I witnessed it and it was truly amazing. Provides more laughter than one can imagine. Thank you Ms. Phillis for that and all the other laughs that evening and the ones following~
I go for markings on Monday the 10th. I will find out on this day when I actually get to start radiation. I do know its twice a day for 5 weeks, 5 days a week. WOW - yes that's a lot but you know what, WHEN it does its job, it won't really matter how many chemo/radiation treatments I had - all that matters is that I can live to tell about it. That is the ultimate goal. My sweet cousin, Chris, has offered me to hang out at her place being close as she will be there this summer planning her amazing wedding to an awesome guy and dealing with her own "C" situation. I am willing to try any wedding cake or wedding good you need sampled :) My Dad's office has also offered some space to work out of. The key will be to keep me from shopping at Lenox, IKEA or the Container Store :) A lot of money to be spent ha ha!
Some of you are probably still wondering - why does she say she's happy where she is today? It's easy - I'm alive. I could honestly be in a different situation but I'm not. I'm thankful to be here no matter the situation. I could be negative and complain about how it has been and how crappy I have felt some days but what does that solve? How does that help me get through this? It doesn't. I realize how important it is to appreciate those family and friends close to you - these are the people who will stand by you when life gives you a situation you aren't sure if you can handle. No matter what fight you have with your family - it's not worth it. Love and cherish your family and friends - they are who will be there.
On another note, NFL training camp starts in less than a month and preseason games start Aug 8th - for the Falcons that is. We are extremely excited in this house. I hope to be able to go to more games this year as I have learned the hard way - life is short, live it to the fullest, don't stress because it could always be worse. I love each and everyone of you! Again, thank you for your love and support in this fight! I can't wait to see all of you on the flip side with my new ta tas and abdomen and being able to truly sing the song, "DONE....".
These past few weeks have been good to say the least. I saw Logan's baseball team clinch their division (very stressful - a lot of yelling). My children finished the last day of school and was so very proud of them after the past 6 months they have had. I celebrated Mothers Day realizing it's not only a day where I appreciate the sweet boys who made me a Mommy, but those same sweet boys who have been so very important in my battle with this bitch known as cancer.
I made a playlist on my phone called Cancer is Stupid. It truly is. Why would some disease be created to cause such crap in people's lives? I don't know the answer nor do I care to know the answer. I don't have time to figure out the why or the patience. But....I do have some great songs on it..... Done by The Band Perry, Stronger by Mandisa, Island Song by Zac Brown, God Gave me You by Blake Shelton, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Try by P!nk, I won't give up by Jana Kramer and the list goes on and on. I love my music!!!!
I felt complete liberation the day I was "castrated" and lost my "2 balls" - for those who don't know, the drains were removed on May 17th and it was an absolute awesome feeling - well wait, not the removal part. That burned like HELL. After the 120 seconds of burning, I was like - WOW, I feel like a new person. I don't know why more men don't do it. Such a great feeling. Nothing hanging down and feeling heavy - what a pain in the A&&.....Thank GOD I am a woman. I would much rather have 2 breasts than 2 balls - well wait, 1 breast......(2 breasts to come later this year....)
I was able to get back to work on May 20th and I truly enjoyed being full time in the office again after surgery. It was great to see everyone I work with. I know Gregg was glad to have me back at work so he wouldn't have to continue to wait on me hand and foot - HA HA. I was also happy to get my Falcons pics hung and have more Falcons stuff coming. Once I was back at work and wearing work clothes, I realized how odd it was not to wear a bra - much less, to have to make sure the shirt I put on doesn't hang too low since there is nothing on the left side holding it up. You would be shocked as to how many shirts don't fit now. I was the v-neck queen - not now, they all fall down and because of that, if I'm not careful, you can see my incision/scar.
I was able to experience the first ever flying tortilla. I bet you all didn't know they have special magical powers and can fly. I witnessed it and it was truly amazing. Provides more laughter than one can imagine. Thank you Ms. Phillis for that and all the other laughs that evening and the ones following~
I go for markings on Monday the 10th. I will find out on this day when I actually get to start radiation. I do know its twice a day for 5 weeks, 5 days a week. WOW - yes that's a lot but you know what, WHEN it does its job, it won't really matter how many chemo/radiation treatments I had - all that matters is that I can live to tell about it. That is the ultimate goal. My sweet cousin, Chris, has offered me to hang out at her place being close as she will be there this summer planning her amazing wedding to an awesome guy and dealing with her own "C" situation. I am willing to try any wedding cake or wedding good you need sampled :) My Dad's office has also offered some space to work out of. The key will be to keep me from shopping at Lenox, IKEA or the Container Store :) A lot of money to be spent ha ha!
Some of you are probably still wondering - why does she say she's happy where she is today? It's easy - I'm alive. I could honestly be in a different situation but I'm not. I'm thankful to be here no matter the situation. I could be negative and complain about how it has been and how crappy I have felt some days but what does that solve? How does that help me get through this? It doesn't. I realize how important it is to appreciate those family and friends close to you - these are the people who will stand by you when life gives you a situation you aren't sure if you can handle. No matter what fight you have with your family - it's not worth it. Love and cherish your family and friends - they are who will be there.
On another note, NFL training camp starts in less than a month and preseason games start Aug 8th - for the Falcons that is. We are extremely excited in this house. I hope to be able to go to more games this year as I have learned the hard way - life is short, live it to the fullest, don't stress because it could always be worse. I love each and everyone of you! Again, thank you for your love and support in this fight! I can't wait to see all of you on the flip side with my new ta tas and abdomen and being able to truly sing the song, "DONE....".
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