Well, yesterday was my first day of radiation. Because of having to go twice a day, I get to go REAL early and then hang out for 6 hours until my next treatment. I am passing my time by working at my Dad's office which is good so I don't fall behind!
Let's backup for a second - Sunday night, Grayson had his first true meltdown about my cancer. He started crying and told me he didn't want to die. I told him I wasn't going to die - I'm too stubborn for one and two, they are stuck with me forever. Logan was a huge help to Grayson by helping him understand the radiation was the next step in this process to making Mommy all better. It was important for Grayson and Logan to both know I am going to be ok no matter what this next stage of treatment does because all in all - it's doing it's job to keep me here for them.
Day 1 - first visit/treatment - after I got changed, the "therapists" aka rad peeps showed me what they look at and it was a bunch of monitors along with screens of where video cameras point at me. I told them they were a bunch of creepers. Then......OMG soooo long to just lay in one position - it took 2 hours. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom! They added more markings, let the Doctor look, added more. My whole chest truly looks like my boys and nephew got ahold of some paint pens while I was asleep. Once they had me positioned just right, they began my treatment. I'm laying there, listening to their music and thinking, this isn't bad at all. This really isn't bad - well the music was but not the treatment. Then, they put a "bolus" on me so the radiation can be "closer" to my skin. As if, the twice a day for 5 weeks wasn't enough :) Then - they use these devices that attach to the radiation machine that look like the Looney Tunes character Marvin Martian uses to destroy the Earth. My chest is Earth - my goals have finally been reached (ha ha).
Second visit - this one was about an hour as they wanted to double check the work they had done earlier. Once again, not bad. I was just ready to get home. Long day and I knew I had to do it all over again....and again, and again.
Ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, I felt like I was in it today and its only Day 2! I was their first patient so the machine was nice and cool. I noticed yesterday by the end of the day, I felt like I was sitting under the sun it was so hot. My first treatment went fine, the guys told me everything was good for me to go and come back at 2:15 for my second treatment. I felt good until.....I walk out and see kids with cancer.
Dammit. You know it never gets easier. Every time I see it, it takes me back to the battles with Logan. I look at Logan and he is so active and strong but I get reminded of how weak he was at one time. I smiled at this one girl and she smiled back - she couldn't have been older than Logan. I just wanted to stand there and hug her and tell her she would be ok.
After pulling myself back together, I head to my Dad's office to work and got so much done. My Dad takes me to lunch which was nice just to talk me and him. Its been a long time since just us talked. When it was time to head back, I packed up and headed back to my other home. I got changed for my second treatment and I was quick to get positioned just right. We started quickly and as I started to pay attention to the music playing, it was the song "do you ever feel like, somebody's watching me"....I wanted to just bust out laughing but knew I would be reprimanded but how true with all the cameras on me! My grin was so obvious that even my rad peeps commented!
Well, after a long and tiresome day, its back to it again all over tomorrow. I felt like it was necessary to update everyone as I have been blessed with many people checking on me. Things are good, they will get better. Time and patience are very important in this battle and I am learning to accept both of those as much as I hate to. Thank you for your support, love and prayers for myself and my wonderful family. I love you all very much! Please also pray for those around me battling cancer as well! Until next time..... Next Stop, Emory Island - home of Radiation Beach :)
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